The Mess He Made
by Crystal Mystery
Summary: Tony struggles to tell Steve he loves him and in true Tony Stark fashion he makes a huge mess of it. But maybe he's missing something. And maybe, just maybe, he can fix it. Steve x Tony. WARNING: Swearing.


The first time Tony Stark realised he was in love he scorched off both of his eyebrows while welding together the metal which was to form his new Iron Man chest plate. He had been innocently sitting there, welding mask propped on top off his head rendering it basically useless, and the burning torch clasped in his hand, when his usually razor sharp mind had made the link.

And ok, so it shouldn't have come as such a surprise to the genius because he and Steve had been dating for just under 4 months and that is longer than he had ever dated anyone, even Pepper. Added to that, this was one of the few exclusive relationships he had ever been in, and probably the only relationship where he had been completely ok with said exclusiveness. And yes, thinking back Tony could accurately match his increased happiness against his increased exposure to Steve and come to the conclusion that he was probably happier than he had ever been before in his life. But still, he really hadn't seen it coming.

And so, completely at a loss of what to do Tony just sat there with no eyebrows, the smell of burnt hair and metal in the air, and reluctantly accepted that Tony Stark, the renowned playboy and reported heartless bastard, was in love.

***** TxS ******* TxS ******* TxS

In turned out that accepting being in love was the easiest part, and that kind of sucked. The part that turned out to be nearly impossible was telling Steve how he felt.

As hard as he tried, and really he did, he just couldn't force those three god damned words out of his mouth. Every time he built up the courage to put his heart on the line, he would end up declaring his love for ridiculous things like:

'Hey Steve, I just thought you should know that I love… that shirt. Yes, yes the shirt. Where did you get it? It just looks so good on you.'

Or

'Steve, um, I wanted to tell you that I love… this movie. Good choice. Yes, I'll un-pause it now.'

Or the worst one,

'Hey Spangles, I love you… 2. U2. You know the band. Don't look at me like that, they have some good songs. Eugh, I have to go and… bash my head into a wall or something.'

And so, because of his inability to deal with emotions of any kind, 2 months after his self-revelation, Tony still hadn't told Steve he loved him, and had instead just managed to make himself look like _more_ of an idiot around his boyfriend.

And the worst part? The previous month, said boyfriend had told Tony he loved him, complete with small smile and adorable blush, and Tony had stared and stuttered out incomprehensible noises and Steve had just smiled wider, kissed him on the cheek and then ambled off calling over his shoulder about dinner reservations. And since then Steve had made a habit of telling Tony he loved him at least once a day, and he didn't seem to mind that Tony never said it back which made Tony _want_ to say it back even more.

Tony had built his first robot aged 4, he had gone to university at 15, and he head of a billionaire company in his 20s. He was revolutionary, a genius, a god damned _superhero_, and he was being beaten by three stupid words. It killed him to realised just how broken he really was.

And that was why Steve found him sitting on the couch with a glass of scotch and a frown on his face. He knocked lightly on the door frame to alert Tony to his presence before he entered the room.

'Hey Tony, are you alright?'

Tony looked up as Steve came in and offered a reassuring smile to the man. Like Tony he was dressed in his pyjamas, which happened to be just a pair of old sweat pants because the super soldier tended to run warm especially at night. Side effect of the serum Tony guessed, not that he was complaining that his boyfriend slept shirtless.

'Yeah, I'm ok, just brooding. You off to bed?'

Steve looked unconvinced by the platitude but let it go, opting instead to travel the short distance to the couch and give Tony a kiss goodnight.

'Yeah, you coming?'

'Not yet. I'm going to brood for a little longer I think. Sleep well.'

Steve smiled gently and leant back down to place one more kiss to Tony's cheek before standing up and heading towards the door. As he reached the frame he hesitated and turned back to face the couch.

'Don't stay up too late ok? Good night, I love you.'

Then he left the room, and would have continued to their bedroom, had he not heard the small groan that came from the study he had just left. Quietly he moved back to the door and peered inside. His heard stuttered as he saw Tony hunched over on the couch, head in his hands and shoulders softly shaking minutely. No noise came from the man, but he just continued to sit there, crying into his palms, so utterly overcome with sadness that Steve could feel it rolling out across the room.

Without a moment of hesitation he crossed the room, sank down onto the couch and drew Tony into his arms. He felt the smaller man jolt as he registered Steve's presence, but he didn't struggle and instead buried himself deeper into Steve's chest. He mumbled a couple of times but most of it was unintelligible so Steve just held him until he calmed down.

Finally, after the shaking stopped and the wetness on his chest seemed to lessen, Steve drew Tony away from him and tried to look into his eyes.

'Tony, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Did something happen.'

Steadily avoiding eye contact Tony shook his head and stared resolutely at the wall behind Steve's head.

'Then what had got you so upset? Why are you crying? And… _Damn it Tony__,_ look me in the eyes, you're scaring me.'

Tony still refused to make eye contact, but managed to mumble,

'S'nothing. I'm alright. It's stupid.'

'What's stupid, what's nothing? Come on Tony, I love you, I want to help, but I can't if you-'

'_That's_ what's wrong!' Tony shouted, startling Steve and cutting off the end of his sentence. 'You said you love me! _That's _the problem.'

Tony hated the hurt that clouded Steve's face, the way his eyebrows furrowed slightly, his mouth tipped downwards and his eyes looked suddenly uncertain. He tried to grab onto Steve's arm as he slid Tony off of his lap and rose to stand, but Steve just shook him off and turned his back on the sofa. Even from behind Tony could see the sadness in the tense lines of Steve's shoulders and his clenched fists which hung by his sides.

'You don't want me to love you?' He bit out after a minute of silence. The words were short and clipped, they wavered at the end and his fists clenched a bit more.

'That's not what I meant…' Tony started as he too rose to his feet. He was about to move forward, hand outstretched to touch Steve's shoulder, when the soldier spun around, face hurt and angry, with tear tracks running down his cheeks. Tony faltered, hand still outstretched but hanging loosely in the air.

'Then _what _Tony? You said that me telling you I love you is the problem, how is that _not_ what you meant? I thought you were happy, I thought this was going well. But you've been distant recently and I tried to ignore it, but now this. What happened? Did I do something? Was I just some fucking _experiment_ for you?'

It was the first time Tony had ever heard him swear. The first time he had ever heard him so distraught. The first time he had ever been speechless.

They stared at each other, Steve still crying, chest heaving, and Tony frozen in place, hand still reaching towards Steve, wondering how the hell he had made such a big mess in such a small time. It went on until Steve huffed out a watery sigh and turned to head out of the door once again. He made in one step before Tony reanimated and threw himself at the soldier's retreating form. Grabbing Steve's shoulders he spun him around and then pulled him into a kiss.

It was messy, and tasted salty due to the tears still pouring down Steve's cheeks, but neither minded. For a few seconds Steve half-heartedly tried to escape Tony's grip, but Tony just gripped him tighter and Steve melted into the kiss as if it might be his last. It was desperate and frantic and by far, not their best kiss, but they didn't care.

Eventually when they pulled apart, Tony refused to let go. He pressed their foreheads together and sighed.

'I'm such a fucking idiot. Oh god, I'm so sorry. I am so damn happy that you love me; it is so much more than I deserve. _You _are so much more than I deserve and yet you somehow chose me and love me, and I fucking made you_ cry_, which is probably illegal, and it's all because I am too fucking broken to tell you how I feel, and you, you are just so god damned perfect and you say it every day, and I want to tell you, because I do feel that way, but I can't, and it sucks, and I-'

He was cut off by the soft press of lips on his, and a chuckle as they pulled apart. Strong arms pulled him closer and a face buried itself in his hair.

'All this because you couldn't tell me you love me. Oh, Tony, you're so silly.'

'M'not silly.' Tony muttered darkly into Steve's chest, shuddering pleasantly as Steve huffed out a breathy laugh into his hair. Then he pushed Tony away so he could look into his eyes.

'Yeah, yeah you are. Tony you tell me you love me every night just before you fall asleep. You have done for the past two months. It's the last thing you say before you drift off. I stay awake just so I can hear it.'

Tony gawped.

'I-I- what?'

'You really didn't know? Oh, that explains why you freaked out when I said it to you that first time. You know it is kind of adorable, that you were so worked up about it.'

'Steve, Tony Stark is not adorable. He is rugged and handsome and apparently emotionally broken.'

Steve frowned disapprovingly but kissed Tony's hair anyway, just as the billionaire yawned.

'Come on, it's been a long night. Let's get to bed.'

Tony let himself be dragged to their room as he pondered what he had learnt over the last few minutes. Perhaps he wasn't as broken as he thought. Maybe there was hope for him, for him and Steve. And maybe one day he would be able to say it out loud to Steve's face. He hoped so.

They both settled into bed, curling into each other's arms as Steve ran a large hand through Tony's hair. Just as he was falling asleep he felt Steve lean down to whisper in his ear.

'If you ever worry me like that again Tony, I will kill you.'

The words just about registered through Tony's sleep addled mind and he managed a sleepy smile. He felt the cool press of lips against his temple and the brush of breath against his cheek, and finally he heard his own voice murmur through the haze.

'I love you Steve.'

Then he drifted off into sleep, finally content.

**Not my best work, but it wouldn't leave me alone. Tell me what you think.**


End file.
